FRACTURED LIMERICKS
EVERYONE NEEDS JUST A LITTLE SUPPORT FROM TIME TO TIME!
A while back, my first webmaster sent me a limerick he had written, but he knew he needed help. What he had written was:
There were three girls, who were Brits
Who liked to play with their tits,
Then in came Lucenda
Who preferred their pudenda,
So now they spend their nights in the clits.If you had been paying attention to the How To Tips, you will recognize that there is a problem with this fractured limerick's meter (or metre if you prefer). Accepting his challenge, I sent the following back:
There once were three girls who were Brits
Who tickled and fondled their tits,
But then came Lucenda
Who preferred their pudenda,
And now they're obsessed with their clits.Another more recent webmaster, trying their hand at writing a limerick, sent me the following:
There was a bawdy banner
That I viewed in my manor.
"It was a simple click,"
I told a sweet chick
To make her grin and holler.Well, he is fantastic at designing websites! After advising him not to give up his day job, I wrote the following:
I E-mailed an over-sized banner
That Randy observed in this manner,
So he said to a chick,
"I've got a neat trick,"
Then he goosed her in front of the scanner.Another friend, who is very involved with the creation of websites, needs also to stick with HTML coding. His attempt at writing a limerick is as follows:
I'll have to try my luck at limericks,
Someother time when I can learn the tricks.
For now as it is,
I have hardly time to wiz
Or to play with my own limp dick.Oh my! I wrote back:
In my time I have written bad limericks,
And true, there are several sweet tricks,
But the ones that are best,
Will squat on our chest
And play with our two little limp dicks.This was a not-to-effective attempt on my part to use the da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM da alternative metre.
People who live in glass houses, should never throw stones. I have certainly written a lot of bad limericks with messed up meter. As an example of my own mistakes, I humbly offer the follow:
A strange old sadist named Peter
Had a wife, but he wouldn't eat 'er,
And when he got hyper
With his peter he'd pipe 'er,
But she refused to allow him to beat 'er.Groan.... Much better as:
A horny old sadist named Peter
Had a wife, but he just wouldn't eat 'er,
And when he got hyper
With his peter he'd pipe 'er,
But wished she'd allow him to beat 'er.
There are times when a clever limerist purposefully fractures a limerick. The following was written by Silvia S. Crockett and printed in the February 2001 issue of The Pentatette.
She sold seashells down by the seashore
And burgers and fries and a bit more.
She raked in the loot,
And a husband to boot,
So they went to the mountains.
Send me your tired and weary fractured limericks and let me attempt an overhaul. Yours and mine are likely to show up on this page, but you will not be identified unless you wish to be.
More Adult Limericks by Birch
An Adult Limericks Story
Bawdy Limericks by Birch and Bean
Limericks about Body Parts
Limericks by Cap'n Bean
A Brief Conversation with Mrs. Bean
A Limericks Space Story by C. P. Mariner
The Collection of Clean Limericks
Limerick Stories for Lechers
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